The island nation of Runovia welcomes all visitors, and kindly requests they shut the gate on the way out.

Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

Kinsley Castle is a writer, musician, and certifiable nutter from Sydney Australia.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Runovia National Flag

On a bleak peninsula overlooking the shipping port of Beryl, surrounded by chainlink fences and coils of barbed wire (because it was cheaper than the razor wire), stands Runovia's imposing prison, with its spacious cell and its partially equipped exercise yard. It stands as a warning to all those who would break the law.

One afternoon on Rec, three new prisoners stood in the corner of the exercise yard out of the wet and introduced themselves to each other.

The first prisoner said, "I'm here for robbing the Runovia National Bank. I timed it perfectly. After I spent a week casing the joint, I knew they left the key under the doormat for the cleaner. So I waited till they all left and let myself in. I thought I might have a bit more trouble with the vault, but it turned out the combination was the bank-managers birthday. So I was in. And I was just about to lay my hands on the piggy bank when I got a tap on the shoulder. The cleaner had arrived early. She'd called the police. I got ten years."

The second prisoner said, "Bad luck for you. And that's a bit of a coincidence too, because I'm here for tapping a guy on the shoulder."


"Yep. I got twenty years for tapping a guy on the shoulder, because I caught him interfering with my property."

"That sounds a bit excessive. How do they figure you deserved twenty years?"

"Well, the judge said I shouldn't have tapped so hard, and I probably shouldn't have used a machete."

"So what was the property?"

"My wife."

After another round of sympathising, they turned to the third prisoner and said, "So tell us what they did you for?"

The third prisoner said, "I got life for designing the Runovia National Flag."

After a moment of stunned silence, the first prisoner said, "That's not a crime, is it?"

"I should've kept my mouth shut at the unveiling ceremony, I can tell you that much. Last year they ran a competition to design the flag, and my design won. So I went to the big unveiling and stood next to the president, Prince Hector."

"Yeah, go on."

"Well, the president asked me why I'd chosen the blue ground. And I said it was blue because Runovia was cold and wet and miserable most of the year around -- except for a few days in summer, when it's hot and steamy and wet and miserable. President Hector didn't like that at all."

"He threw you in jail for that?"

"Well, not quite. After that he asked me what the two black lines represented. And I said it was tyre tracks."

"So he had you arrested for being perverse. Is that it?"

"Not quite. Because he had one more question. He wanted to know what the red circle symbolised. And I said to him, 'Oh, that's the pool of blood from where Runovia run over ya.' And that's when he caught me by the ear and dragged me down here in person."

The first two prisoners shook their heads and whistled through their teeth. "That's bad luck for you."

"Yes. And the funny thing is, President Hector didn't even notice the obvious Goatse reference."


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